We’re halfway through this confessing practice. I thought maybe I’d run out of sins to confess. Well, that’s a lie (forgive me): I didn’t think so. Someone else thought. Ha! Score one (or 20) for Total Depravity. Those folks who think we’re “basically good” would’ve certain run out by now. SUCKAS!
Anyway, yesterday a hard conversation with a good friend dredged up a sin I don’t like to admit, as it’s tied right up in with what I believe to be one of my “callings.” Especially as a writer. I’n trying to figure out what to name this sin and I’m not sure there’s a word. But essentially I need forgiveness for delighting in other people’s stupid opinions, for taking stands that turn into judgment, and for forgetting that people who say or believe dumb things–things that should be called out, should be questioned–are still people, still made in your image, still worthy of grace. So forgive me for not doing that.
Specifically, forgive me for going a bit overboard in comments for the story I posted about the goings on at Cedarville University. Though my concern stands, though I do still worry about some choices the school is making, I know that every time I voice an opinion I risk becoming an oppressor myself, I run the risk of hurting people I claim to protect.
Specifically in the instance of judging the president’s words, in turning my critical eye at the Board of Trustees, in “liking” comments where people said students were being told “what” to think and not “how” to think and liking comments that encouraged students to run, I dehumanized the students. “They are not four,” a friend reminded me. Indeed. They have minds of their own; they know how to question, how to push back, how to engage. So many are doing that right now. I’ve written the evils and ills of seeking to be a “voice for the voiceless” and then I go and assume perfectly voiced students can’t speak up. Ugh.
I dunno, God. Help me do better at this stuff. Forgive me for the times I try to be a critical thinker and cultural engager (sorry for those obnoxious terms….it’s early) and end up being a pompous, judgey, hypocritical b****. Help me do better at fighting the wrongs of the world without acting like I alone have it all right.