Trouble is, I have no idea what to say right now. I’m writing because Amazon said, “You’re done. Now go say hello to your customers.” And I’m a first-born, very obedient. I do what I’m told. At least with stuff like this. Okay. So that relates—to our identies and everything. That works, right?

Now I really want to go see where this pops up. You go too! Click here and we shall see.

While I guess I’ve been a hybrid mom since my oldest son was born in that my identity has that of a mom crossed with so much much more, I’m now even more of one, I guess, since a post of mine appeared at the official Hybrid Mom website. It’s pretty cool. I encourage you all to check out the site, as well as my post, “Hard-Knock Mom.” And comment away!

In the meantime, I’d love to hear how you like to be identified as a mom. I like to keep it simple: “I’m a mom and a writer.” How about you?

“I didn’t used to feel social anxiety, and now I feel it all the time. I used to feel pretty confident in a crowd, but now I feel like I’m the most boring person in the room. People ask what I’ve been up to or how I’ve been, and my answers feel so lame. I’ve been up to everything and nothing. I’ve been absorbed by the lives of little people. I don’t have interesting trips to talk about or exciting dating stories or even updates on the basics of my life—apart from the kids. I feel like I’ve turned into someone with nothing to offer a conversation, much less a friendship. And that’s a very lonely feeling.”

Can you relate? Any insights? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

So today I’m just going to plunk out a quote that I thought I’d use in the book, but didn’t. Or, I should say, haven’t yet. It’s from my friend Jonalyn Grace Fincher’s TERRIFIC book, Ruby Slippers: How the Soul of a Woman Brings Her Home. If you haven’t read it yet, do it. (You can click on it on the widget on my page, and it’ll take you right to Amazon.)

Here’s the quote: “Often the roles we play are like pinching shoes. …To fit into some role, we squeeze ourselves, contort ourselves, even cut off parts of ourselves. … It hurts to wear shoes that are not for us. It hurts to keep shaving off parts of our souls. Can we just admit it once and for all?”

Isn’t that great? So what do you think? Are we moms who feel contorted or chopped down so we can fit into a ready-made mom mold finally able to admit this and say it hurts? Are we ready to say this isn’t who God made us to be—and that it’s not how it has to be? Are we ready to start living as the women God made us to be–as mothers and beyond?

Find your identity in Christ.

Am I right? As part of the book I’m working on, I maintain that this is a good answer to the wrong question. And that in fact, this thing about finding your identity in Christ comes off like a pious brush off. Like if we really DID find our identities in Christ, we wouldn’t have “issues.”

I don’t think this is true, but am looking for feedback. As a born-again, trying (though more than often failing!)-to-live-it-out Christian, that my identity is Christ IS the most important aspect of who I am. However, I still want to bust out of the mom molds (and other molds) I’m set into. And I think that’s okay. Part of my identity in Christ, I think, is living how he made me and using my gifts, abilities, personality, etc., in service to him, not in being fake or simply trying to live up to some cultural expectation.

But I worry that I’m missing something here. Am I? What’s your take on finding your identity in Christ?

If you read my two earlier posts, you can see I’ve been wrestling with some things that totally aggravate me. But I need to switch gears—it’s Christmas, after all!

So here’s a quick thought:

Yesterday I found myself doing something I hadn’t done in who knows how long: I walked through a couple of familiar haunts without a child with me. As I strolled through the hallways at my kids’ school and then later as I, well, probably strutted through a department store on my way to meet a friend for lunch, I was struck by how much like myself I felt. I was back to my “old” walk—from before these days when I’m either pushing a stroller, hoisting a baby, and whipping my head around to make sure potential molesters are held at bay and I have everyone safely in tow.

I felt so free. As much as I love walking with my kids and experiencing the world with them by my side, it’s amazing how rejuvenating it was to simply walk by myself, as myself. I’ve got to do that more often.

When was the last time you walked “free”? How did it feel? How does it compare to walking as a mom?

• Describe a time or a situation when you feel most energized and most like yourself.
• I’ve heard the loss of self that accompanies motherhood described as an “epidemic.” Can you relate to that? If so, how?
• Can you think of a time or place when you felt motherhood stripped you of your identity or sense of self?
• Is there a place where or group with whom that you feel the loss of self more acutely?
• In what ways has motherhood helped shape your identity?

Anyone is welcome—and encouraged!—to respond. Here’s the first grouping:

•  What’s your favorite thing about being a mom? What’s your favorite thing about being known as a mom?
• In what ways do people know you better by thinking of you as a mom?
• In what ways do people know you less well by thinking of you as a mom?
• Think about some of the “mom labels” (at-home mom, working mom, mompreneur….). In what ways do they help people know you better? In what ways do they keep you from getting known?

More to come in the next post!