Oh, Dear God:
I smile every time I come across the 9th commandment in any way, shape or form. “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor,” you say. “Do not lie,” is perhaps the easier translation. I smile–as you know–because of that day when my therapist, way back in college, told me I was “hyper honest.” Like it was a bad thing. Which it was, then, when that psyche assessment or whatever that was revealed I could be suicidal–which I wasn’t–because I had marked “yes” to the question, “Have you ever considered ways you would kill yourself?”
I had. And I have. I still don’t believe there are people who have never once thought of how they would or wouldn’t kill themselves. Not making light. Just being honest. Hyper honest, I guess.
So in many ways this hyper honesty thing has become a good girl sticker I keep in the recesses of my mind, convincing myself that I don’t lie. But of course, I do. I like to protect others, to protect myself. I’ve lied to improve stories, to avoid conversations. I have given false testimony against my neighbor in the times I’ve gossiped, God help me. And forgive me.
Amen.
Click here for the other confessions and click here for the reason I’m even doing this.
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