Oh, Dear God:
I smile every time I come across the 9th commandment in any way, shape or form. “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor,” you say. “Do not lie,” is perhaps the easier translation. I smile–as you know–because of that day when my therapist, way back in college, told me I was “hyper honest.” Like it was a bad thing. Which it was, then, when that psyche assessment or whatever that was revealed I could be suicidal–which I wasn’t–because I had marked “yes” to the question, “Have you ever considered ways you would kill yourself?”
I had. And I have. I still don’t believe there are people who have never once thought of how they would or wouldn’t kill themselves. Not making light. Just being honest. Hyper honest, I guess.
So in many ways this hyper honesty thing has become a good girl sticker I keep in the recesses of my mind, convincing myself that I don’t lie. But of course, I do. I like to protect others, to protect myself. I’ve lied to improve stories, to avoid conversations. I have given false testimony against my neighbor in the times I’ve gossiped, God help me. And forgive me.